I was recently was given an opportunity to set up a vendor booth at the OBX Seafood Festival. However, you can chalk this up as an opportunity lost due to depression. Some days are worse than others though today as I write this post, I am struggling. My worst fears are rejection and being alone.
Some of you know this already but I have extreme separation anxiety from my bride. We both worked very hard to get our finances to a point where she could quit her job. This has allowed us to have our Beach Therapy days on Saturday. This also meant she would be home during the months when my depression is at its worse.
Recently she started working at a t-shirt shop and on most days I am OK however this morning was tough. We hugged for a good 3 minutes and I simply did not want to let her go — alas I had no choice.
Getting back to an Opportunity Lost Due to Depression. Knowing that the deadline had passed already for this year’s festival, I sent an email to the vendor coordinator for the Seafood Festival to ask if my medium (digital art) would be allowed. The response received was a bit unexpected — even more, nerve-racking. The reply included an application to be a vendor and a note saying they had two spots open and one of those would be held for me.
WOW! I became instantly excited and scared at the same time. My anxiety shot through the roof. I started thinking about what would be required to set up at the Seafood Festival. I would need a canopy, tables, something to display my artwork on, and a device to collect credit card payments. Electricity! I will need power so I started looking on Amazon for solar generators and comparing watt-hours available for each. With the coin shortage, I worried if enough change could be found.
All of my work is digital! I cannot sell JPG or PNG files. We would need to purchase prints and canvas prints plus get frames. A very large portion of my proceeds, which is not much at the moment because I rarely make a sale, goes to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. So with the upfront costs, my fear of rejection (i.e. would anyone really want to buy my art), and my anxiety, which would have worsened as we got closer to the event, I bailed. I curled up into a ball in my recliner and just cried.